Relationships with your team are the bedrock of success. Today I’ll tell you how I learned this lesson
A few years ago, I learned from one of my team that another employee was ‘terrified’ of bringing me information, or reporting details of her role to me. I couldn’t believe it; I don’t think I’m unapproachable and I’m almost always really calm and collected. I regularly tell the team that they should come to me with ideas, that no questions were bad ones, and I genuinely mean it.
Regardless, this employee still felt the way she did.
There were 2 ways for me to deal with that.
Carry on as before. We were performing, and after all, if she had an issue that was her problem, not mine.
Recognise that it IS my problem, and take ownership of it. Show some humility and accept that my ego didn’t want to believe I might be doing something to drive the feeling she had.
Clearly there’s only one correct answer here (if you aren’t sure, it’s 2).
I approached her and we discussed how she felt. I listened, and took on board what she said. She said she felt intimidated by how she viewed my success, had had bad experiences with male bosses previously and assumed I’d be similar, and rather than approach me to talk about it she had let it build into something. I hadn’t seen or noticed this happening.
I should have been more aware of her behaviour and the signs she was displaying; it was easier to see when we talked about it, and of course to respond in a way which helped us both.
Relationships are essential to everything, especially with your team.
Especially with your team!
Your job as a leader is to get more out of a group than they bring individually. The team output should be magnified as a result of your actions and leadership skill.
Relationships are the currency of leadership, and the only way they work is if you develop and nurture them. I don’t mean that you have to be best friends with everyone; in fact, you don’t even have to like them. But you do need to have a professional relationship where they know you respect them and will fight for them, and have their back when the time comes.
This starts with you working for them. What have you done for someone in your team recently? Not something superficial like buying coffees, something meaningful.
Put them ahead of yourself. Showed what commitment to your team looks like in practice.
Maybe you’ve let them take a couple of hours to go to their kids school show, and picked up the shortfall to your own detriment. Maybe you’ve helped get something over the line, then had to stay late to finish your own workload.
These are deposits in the relationship bank account, and eventually you build up enough credit where your team will do this for you. But it will only come with you acting first. If you find yourself asking why your team aren’t working harder or putting more in, ask if you’re doing that. Can they see you working harder or putting more in for their benefit?
Take ownership, commit to your team, and they will do as you do. You can earn the right to ask for more from them, but you have to act first.
Ownership; Humility; Work Ethic; Commitment to the team.
Not easy, but easier than you think.
More on this next week; for now, what will you do this week to deepen relationships with your team?
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Ben Stark
Founder, Leadership101